Throw me a freakin' milk-bone here!

1. Golden Retriever – When I was a child I actually thought these dogs were made of gold. Boy was I an idiot.

2. Dalmatian – Easily confused with a cow, legend has it the milk produced from these dogs will grant you fire-fighting powers!

3. Cocker Spaniel – What once were hunting dogs have been transformed into beauty contest award winners. That’s like King Kong Bundy running for Miss Teen America.

4. Dachshund – If you feed this breed a hot dog, is it considered cannibalism?

5. Old English Sheepdog – It must be terrible to be born old, but hey, that never stopped Betty White.

6. Saint Bernard – These dogs are stereotypically known as rescue dogs that carry small barrels of brandy worn around their necks. This Saint Bernard guy must have been the town drunk.

7. Chihuahua – Originating in Mexico, this is the only breed of dog on the planet that actually looks like the people from its home country.

8. Siberian Husky – I saw one of these dogs in Hawaii once. Or maybe it was a penguin. Either way, it was quite an oddity!

9. Blood Hound – A vampire’s best friend.

10. Bull Dog – When asked if the rumors were true that Uncle Fred’s Beefcake Kibble Factory was using dog meat in its burgers, the CEO replied, “No, it’s a load of bull.”